I noticed today that I was feeling “shut down”, like my energy was blocked. I was feeling emotional. I’m working on being present and “up” most of the time. But I was feeling stuck.
Sometimes we feel stuck and “shut down” because we’re not being true to ourselves and / or we aren’t allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and let that energy flow through us. I decided to sit down and consider all the things that may have contributed to my state of being over the last couple of days. Turns out I had quite a list. The list of emotional triggers apparently piled up, without being processed, until they finally came out sideways in the form of depression.
Here’s some of my list.
1. A lawsuit against my business (giving me a feeling of fear, that someone is trying to take away my living)
2. I strained my back (giving me a feeling of frustration and discouragement, not being able to follow through with my daily routines or work on my goals)
3. Communication challenges with my partner (giving me a feeling of sadness and being controlled, like I can’t speak)
4. Being wakened in the middle of the night about a broken sprinkler line that needs to be turned off (giving me a feeling of frustration and helplessness)
5. Cancelled a Workshop for lack of interest (giving me a feeling of not being good enough, failure, feeling alone, which really boils down to fear)
That’s just a little part of the list. It goes on and on. Haha! But here’s how it helps me. First it helps me see how many little things can pile up, when unprocessed, to cause a lot of energy blockage inside me. By listing the issues, I can identify the corresponding emotions, feel the emotions, and let them flow through me and be gone. I can also consider how I might process the emotions in the moment next time and let them go, without getting stuck. I can consider how to be true to myself next time and take care of myself.
Taking care of myself and being true to myself means speaking up and saying my truth. Say what I want or need in the moment. If I feel frustration and there isn’t much I can do about it, I can move the energy by punching a pillow, yelling in a pillow or stamping my feet (yes, like a little kid having a tantrum). The difference is, I’m not directing that energy at anyone or making a display of it. I’m simply doing something to physically move the energy of anger, frustration or whatever it is, out of my body. Once I’ve moved it through (which makes me feel lots better), I can either let the issue go or deal with it in a calm manner, without all the energy behind it.
By feeling the emotions and letting the energy flow through me, I’m no longer “stuck” or feeling “shut down” or depressed. Life goes on and I can feel present and grounded again.